Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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