There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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