remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
