I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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