his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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