I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
