I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
this boner is exhausting
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
