Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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