She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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