How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
