i jhust puked up my retainher.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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