someone get that fucking seahorse.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
