Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
