Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
