We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
