I wanna bring you to show and tell
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
