I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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