turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
