I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
