no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
