I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
