I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
