I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
