can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
