I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
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