like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Randomize
