my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
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