dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
