It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
