What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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