Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
