White coat. Heels.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
