my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
