Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
