Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
