She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
