you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
