haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
