Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
