I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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