I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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