so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
