the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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