why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
