SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
