his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
