Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
