Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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