That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
