tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
