at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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