Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
